ladlebar
by rachellovesgeronimo
Summary: omg idek. a fandom went nuts and a ladle had sex with a breakfast bar.


barel? ladlear? ladlebar? idek.

"omg look at the kitchen! it's soo shiney! " said the new one in the funny hat.

"i've never seen him before.." i thought to myself, it was always hard keeping track of the coming and goings of people in this flat. the last tenants only lasted 3 weeks, and the ones before not even that, goodness knows how long these two idiots would last...

"still" I thought to myself "it'll be nice to have some new objects to chat to, the last lot were so boring!" I thought back to the last lot of kitchen ware, and instantly felt guilty, but i guess that's just my way of dealing with loss, i pretend I'm better off without them. I know I'm not, they were my friends, they knew me, they felt my pain, we went through so much together, it wasn't their fault they had to move on, but that's just it you see, they always move on. Every time it's the same, I find something new and exciting, and they make me feel.. wanted? loved? alive? it never matters, they always move on. they leave me behind. And I'm better off without them.

"Right then! Lets get unpacking!" said the other one, this one had been here a little while, it seemed like he was waiting for something, I didn't know what, but then the new one appeared, and then it made sence, they were moving in together.

"I hope they aren't as loud as the last pair" I thought...

...

"right! last box!" said one of them. I wasn't paying attention. I would rather block it all out. I knew what was coming.. 'the death box'... it was the death box to me anyway. The box with all of the kitchen utensils in. the box with all of the objects that were sure to break my heart. I'd rather they just stay in the box. I don't need them anyway.

I watched as the two new men unpacked the final box. They pulled out four parcels of bubble-wrap. and moved over to the drawers, "must be the cutlery" i thought, I never cared too much for cutlery, they were always in their drawer, or in the sink, 'out of sight out of mind' or being used. no time to chat when you're in someones mouth.

next were the plates, the dishes, and the mugs, all placed in their cupboards, "I never really talk to them anyway". That was a lie. The last tenant of the flat had an orange mug, she always like to use it, and I always liked to chat with her, she was nice, she had a sad story, she never knew her mother, she was once part of a set, but when her old owner dumped all of them in some 'sick adoption agency' as she called it, oxfam I think she said, they all got separated, she said she missed her old friends, but it never showed on her face, that was always smiling and happy, as though it was painted on. yeah. she was nice.

Next the two new men pulled out some larger bowls, no wait, only one.. a blue one, a blue mixing bowl "hmm" i thought, "must be the cooking type" I occasionally got a few cookers living here, not many, takeaways always seemed the favorites to tha usual tenants, "nice for a bit of a change" I suggested to myself...who was i kidding. I didn't want change! I wanted the old days back, I wanted everything as it was. "no stop it breaky you'll only hurt yourself more" i thought. "you didn't need them at all."

next they pulled out a white pot, and placed it on the work top, next to the stove. "oh no" i thought "not this please"

I knew exactly wat was happening next, the cooking utensils. usually a whisk, a sift, a ladle, a grater.

I could feel myself breaking down. submersed in the memories, in all the laughter, and all of the nostalgia that was only last week. before it was all torn apart.

in a tidy kitchen. usually the only objects actually in plain view are the cooking utensils, sat there in their pot, every time i promise myself I wont get attached , not this time, but i always fail myself. I start talking to them, just chewing the fat, this usually escalates, I will promise myself this time not to get as attached as last time.,, never again. only to be broken like that.

the men placed the box next to the pot, so I didn't have a very good view, but i could just see what he was pulling out of the box, a whisk, yes, a sift, yes, a squer, good, and a .. a ladle. I only seen her for a split second but I could have sworn there was something about her...

the man moved and i got a full view of the new objects. namely the ladle. I couldn't care less that she could see me staring at her. She looked, familiar... somehow.. 'very pretty' i thought to myself, "NO" i thought. "YOU ARE NOT GETTING ATTACHED TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN OKAY. NEVER" i was angry at myself for even paying attention.

the two new men sat at me for a little while drinking their coffee. I just sat, stared at a point I wasn't sure of. I'm sure I heard the newest man's hat trying to talk to somone further away, something about a cactus. I could see now the mans hat was a llama or some other similar animal. unusual.. i thought to myself. but I showed no other interest to it.

A few minutes later the two men stood up and quickly rinsed out their mugs. it was the one in the llama hat who leaned against me, "god he has a nice arse" i thought to myself as he pushed up against me. he then pushed up off me and went up behind the other man, he wrapped his arms around his waist and whispered in his ear "this is going to be great" "I know" replied the other man, who then placed the two mugs on the draining board, and turned fully to face the other man, they kissed, they seemed so happy together, it reminded me of me a-

My train of thought was cut off by that glorious arse back up against me. The other man had pushed him up against me and was starting to take off his shirt "ffs" I thought "not on me for christ sake!" seemed I had nothing to worry about, the two men made their way to the closest bedroom, and that was the last I heard of them that night, turns out they aren't that loud after all.

After the two men left. There were a few moments of silence, I wasn't sure what was going on but I felt awkward. I was startled by a sudden collective wooping from all of the newobjects that had just been unpacked into their new home.

"awwh yeah here we go!" shouted the blue bowl

"I thought I'd never get out of that box!" gasped the whisk.

The ladle just sat there and laughed throughout the cheers and chattering of the other objects.

I wasn't sure why i was paying her so much attention.

"so, what do we all think of the new place?" someone contributed. This was follwed by a round of approving mutters and the occasional murmur of "yes very nice" or "shiney"

"WELL WE ALL HOPE YOU LIKE IT" bellowed the floor.

"oh fuck off" I thought to myself. I was shocked at myself. I liked the floor, she had always supported me. I suppose I was angry at her, for not feeling the loss of all the previous objects like did. Maybe she was just better at hiding it? Or maybe she was just stronger than me. That didn't take much.

"oh wow thank you so much!" replied the mixing bowl to the floor "we are all sure we are going to be very comfortable!"

there were a few awkward mutters of agreement between all the new objects. I stayed silent for the rest of the day. occasionally I found myself staring at ladle. Ii was quick to pull myself out of it, but i was still unsure of the amount of times she caught me looking.

I resolved it was time to go to sleep. It was still early, but I was still aching. decides, there was nothing there for me in that conscious state, so to the sound of unfamiliar voices chattering and laughing in ways that were new and uncomfortable to me, I drifted off into an unsettled sleep.

I dreamt of her.

...

I awoke to the sound of sobbing. Not my own, not any sobs i recognised. I turned my attention the the place I thought i heard the sobs coming from. It was the i realized it was the ladle who was sobbing.

Parts of me wanted to comfort her, to stop her crying, to tell her everything would be okay. but the rest of me that had been deciding most of my actions recently was telling me to ignore it. to pretend to be asleep. to not get involved.

That was probably for the best. Getting involved would only lead to mor-

"hey, are you okay" i found myself asking. 'shit' i instantly cursed myself for it.

Ladle rather suddenly stopped crying at the sound of the new voice. obviously caught off guard, not realizing i had been watching her, all she could manage to conger up out of her brain to say was; "DAN AND PHIL DIDN'T SHOWER YESTERDAY."

"..." was my reply.

"no no i mean.." she tried to explain, "usually they have a shower, but i guess the water isn't on yet, but then it must be because they washed the dishes last night, so that just means they'll be showering this morning... oh my god i'm sorry"

'wow' i thought 'almost as awkward as me'

"so.. urm.. why exactly were you crying?" As much as I didn't want to get involved, the awkward tension after her awkward explanation was growing too much.

"urm, I wasn't crying." she lied.

"of course you were, I've just sat and heard you, what's wrong?"

"oh it's nothing, honestly."

I could have left it at that. I _should_ have left it at that. But then that part of must that must have opened my mouth in the first place began to prevail again, as i pressed her further into a confession.

"no now come on the is definitely something wrong with you, you don't sit and cry for nothing, seriously you can tell me, I'm not going to judge you if that's what you're worried about...?"

there was a moment of silence. It lasted slightly too long, I was sure she wasn't going to answer me. we sort of shared an awkward moment when i opened my mouth to start to begin to convince her to tell me at the exact same instant she started to talk.

we both just kind of stuttered and shared an awkward, yet not uncomfortable giggle.

after checking herself, she started to talk, "it's just... I suppose, it's silly really.. a bit of home sickness. I miss Phil's old flat. that was my home, and well, now he's moving in with Dan and... I miss it. I know it's stupid getting all emotional over it..."

"it's not stupid at all" I cut her off. Thinking of all of my recent emotions. I suppose I was a bit homesick, sure I hadn't moved, but everyone else had. They were what made it home. So really. Me and ladle were in the same boat. I did feel sorry for her, in the same way I felt sorry for myself really. but I also felt as useless as ever, I couldn't cope myself, so how was i supposed to help her?

i hadn't realized how long I'd stayed quiet for, I was knocked from my train of thought by the sound of another voice. It was the whisk next to the ladle, wishing her a "goooood mooooorning!" and asking how she had slept.

Suddenly it was as if my brain had finally clicked and kicked in.

"who are Dan and Phil?" the suddenness of the question shocked me, so the looks of confusion from the ladle and whisk were understandable.

"urrrr.." started the whisk, obviously debating the best way to begin the introductory line to our first ever conversation. which apparently would have to wait anyway.

"Dan and Phil are the new owners of the flat." explained ladle. "Phil is the one with the darker hair and the puppy dog face, and Dan is the pretty one with the llama hat"

"the one with the nice arse?" I blurted out, without even recognizing my own words. obviously the other two had, as they broke into fits of laughter. I felt myself reddening, and I wasn't sure if i was angry at them for laughing, or annoyed at myself not thinking before I spoke.

"well.. urrr" i tried to stammer out a sentence that hadn't even been invented yet to save me from that blunder.

when ladle had managed to reduce her laughing to a giggle, "yeah." she said. "the one with the nice arse..."

"Dan does not have a nice arse!" protested whisk.

ladle gave her a slight sideways look "he does really though doesn't he?"

the whisk pulled a stern face as if she was scolding ladle. but this quickly evaporated as it was clear se was desperate to burst out laughing.

"fine" she admitted. "Dan has a nice arse"

the three of us giggled and chatted until everyone else woke up, despite the fact that for the full day i was reminding myself not to make new friends and get attached, i ended up knowing pretty much everything about everyone. especially ladle.

One thing annoyed me about ladle though. Whenever the objects spoke of their old flats, either Phils old flat or the butt god's old uni rooms. Ladle always stayed quiet. When everyone else was busy or not listening, I often tried to quiz ladle about her old flat, but with no avail. I always remembered the day she told me that she missed her old flat, but we never went any deeper than that.

...

weeks later, many of us were all really good friends, me and ladle had become best friends, although i never came any closer to finding out about her old flat, or why she cried at night.

one night, the crying stopped. It stopped for a few days, i thought that whatever was troubling ladle must have passed one night it started again. I turned to her and began interrogating her again.

"you're crying again." I said bluntly.

she stopped and looked at me. obviously trying to think of some excuse. the way she looked, she knew that it was no good and she started to cry again. This was new to me. If she had ever cried before and I had seen she usually tried to cover it or hide it. what made this time different?

"oh my god ladle what is it?" I asked. my concern was genuine. I hated seeing her cry, we were friends, we were almost best friends, and her tears to me felt like salt in barely healed wounds.

"ladle please" I begged. I wasn't sure what for, for her to open up to me? for her to stop crying? for her to stop hurting? idek.

"ladle listen. it's been months now, you need to start getting over your old flat, aren't you happy here? all we ever do is-"

"IT'S NOT THAT" she cut me off.

there was a stunned silence between us, as i tried to comprehend what she had just said and her silence as she just looked rather shocked at herself.

"what is it then?" i asked. Desperate to know what was hurting her so badly, and if there was something I could do to help.

"It's nothing, really, I'm just tired"

"no. it isn't. it's more than that. you need to tell me ladle I'm not going to let it go like that. I'll sit here for weeks if i have to until you tell me. trust me I'm not going anywhere"

The silence again was almost deafening. I certainly wasn't going to break it.

"itfdahghsvsd" she mumbled

"what?" i said.

she just looked at me terrified.

"i didn't hear you?" i said softly, "what did you say speak up."

she took a deep breath and said "it's you..."

"me?" i was stunned. what had i done to hurt her? My concern hed turned to fear, and confusion. What the hell was going on(insert innterobang)

"how is this my fault? what have i done?" i asked.

"you haven't done anything" she sobbed as her tears started to fall again.

"well i don't understand then"

" ILOVE YOU" she nearly screamed. she quickly lowered her head in the fear that anyone had hear her. she whispered it again. "i love you. I've fallen.. in love with you"... "I'm sorry"

i have no idea how long i stayed silent for. prehaps too long. i wasn't sure. and then it hit home what t=she had said. "I'm sorry..."

"don't be sorry!" i blurted out. the next word out of my mouth came from nowhere, "I love you too."

WHAT THE HELL. WAS I SAYING. 'brain what the hell are you doing?' i thought to myself.

"really?" asked ladle, as shocked as i was. "do you mean it?"

I had to think hard myself. And the i realized something. Ladle was special to me, she had captured my attention the second she was unpacked. She was the one i talked to the most. And she was the one I was sure i could trust. i suppose that it was then that it hit me.

"yes. i do mean it."

"Then say it again" she said.

I couldn't work out what the sound in her voice was, shock?

"ladle. You mean so much to me. And when i felt like i could never love again. you am into my life. And I love you. I love you so much"

what she said next surprized me. "close your eyes" she said bluntly.

"what?" i was confused. "why?"

"just do it" she instructed as a very conveniently placed nike sales man cartwheeled across the room (i neeeeed sleeep)

I did as i was told. I closed my eyes and heard ladle say "now whatever happens, don't open them until i say so okay?"

she took my silence as an agreement.

moments later i felt her cold hard metal body pressed up next to mine, her handle traced it's way along my worktop, and down my side. I let slip a small moan of pleasure, it felt so good.

but then i couldn't feel her anymore, her touch was lost from my laminated coating, and i was left there, longing for more. I opened my eye's and let out a huge gasp, of shock and surprise.

Ladle was leaning over me, she had removed the rubber holder of her handle, and there she was completely naked in front of me. "wow" i said.

"i told you not to open your eyes" she smirked at me, before laying her body on mine again, "you spoiled the surprise" she said in a sexy voice.

"god"... i couldn't find the words. "god you have nice tits"

her face started to turn a crimson red in a flush of embarrassment, which quickly turned to a look of kinkiness, i had only ever seen before in Phil.

All in a flash, ladle jumped up and threw dan's jacket that had been covering me on the floor, i lay there, completely exposed.

a smile slid across her face, "your tits aren't so bad either"

with that, she began her work. her metal frame traced it's way up and down my worktop, touching me in way that gave me shivers in ways that the bowls that were placed on me never could. she worked magic on me, and left me breathlessly sighing her name, "ladle..."

an occasional murmur of "oh breaky bar" reached my ears, but i was too engrossed in pleasure to pay attention to it.

and then she did it.

In one sudden move ladle did a full roll on my body, i let out a huge groan, jesus that felt good!

"UUHGGHGHUGHJGHLHGSALJGFLNUZLN IUGAEOY GOLHG SADHG DAYUG awyg sdyg g YG SDG" I screamed. "HOLY FUCK LADLE THAT FELT GOOD... DO IT AGAIN" i pleaded, "please ladle please, do it... *down there*" i bit my lip and tilted my head to the side like a thousand times and this fanfic became a world best seller.

ladle didn't take much persuading, as much as she obviously loved to see me beg, she moved herself to the lower end of my body, and did her manouver again, her body rolled against mine, it was enough to send me over the edge, and orgasm rolled across my body, it lasted for almost 10 seconds, it was the most perfect moment in my life.

well, almost, it felt like something was missing...

'ladle' I thought to myself. i quickly realized her body was no longer on mine, frantically i began to look around me, angry at first fo rthe fact that she had done that to me and left instantly. but then I seen her.

lying cold and still on the kitchen floor was my ladle.

she must have fell off me or something, and now she lay there, unconscious on the floor, completely naked and exposed.

I cried all night for help. But no one heard.

The next morning all i could do was watch as dan and Phil woke up to find her lying there. Dan covered me up again, while phil picked up ladle and her clothes and stuffed her in a drawer.

despite the constant questions of everyone around me, trying to work out what had happened to her, I stayed quiet all day. all week. I don't really know for how long. But after that night, nothing was ever the same again.

more to come and stuff if people want :D yaaaaaaaaaaaay...

omg i'm so sorry what is my life i need to stop.


End file.
